I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
