Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
