Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
