The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
