The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize