I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
