Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
