If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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