This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
