Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
