it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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