O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
