as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
