no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you told grandpa to call you daddy
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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