i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
