Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize