"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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