im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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