I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
