You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize