he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm sobbing to NWA
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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