Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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