I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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