my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My vagina is officially offended.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
