I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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