The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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