i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize