I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
