He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
