Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize