My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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