Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Can Purell be used as lube?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
