I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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