im six kinds of drunk right now
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Randomize
