I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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