last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
