Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
