but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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