sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
time to smoke my breakfast
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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