i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
