Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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