hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
