Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
only you would photoshop your dick
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
