he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
