It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My feet surprised me
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