Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
