You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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