so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
