I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
