um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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