and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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