It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
