I cannot find my penis.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize