im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
