You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize