you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize