all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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