so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
A+ Viking dick
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
