is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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