i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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