just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
