I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
