he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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