Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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