Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
