When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My vagina is officially offended.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
