I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
