Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
