i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
