By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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