it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
