I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
