i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
