i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
