If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
