what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
