i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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