does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
