He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
