New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The dick lei will go down in squad history
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
