Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
