peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm getting married
To pizza
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
