No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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