Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
