how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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