I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize