Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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