Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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