I am spending my child support on dildos
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
