We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
