Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you had me at cake vodka
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
