Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
