Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
