The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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