i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
